Strange Brew

A new phase for me has started where life seems like it can't be any better. There is little to complain about, yet a lot to worry about. A place where I have found myself in several times before.

“I am a Big Package”, I had warned the Love Of My Life before we started dating and he very patiently said right back at me, “I don’t care. I can deal with it.” So, I packed my bags from being single and moved in to this new place where it was perfect, nothing to complain about, yet a lot to worry about. What a place to be in, where you got the faith, but you still got nothing at all! There’s hope, but there is no conviction. There is love, but there is no hope. Why does life have to be so complicated?

I can be so many people at the same time. I can be funny, sarcastic, humorous in one moment and dark, sulky and just silent in the next. My mood-swings are not mood-swings; I think they are mood-torpedoes coming and going at their own will, razing everything I feel in one moment to dust and nothingness, ready to feel something entirely different in the next.

I know it sounds poetic and seems strange and I am amazed at how I can go through an entire spectrum of emotions with one small thing. I’m not only sensitive; I am one complicated, intricate person with little hope and a lot of confidence. Strange concoct, isn’t it? Welcome to Poojaland, where nothing is new, yet everything is strange. I am always ready for adventure and what’s a better way than to just be so emotionally in-tune with yourself that you rarely need outside fixes to make you feel? 

I feel blessed. And I am happy and I don’t have anything to complain of, I am fully aware that life is too dynamic and nothing sticks for too long. That’s the hope I always have. The Love Of My Life, recently admitted that maybe I am such a big package and he doesn’t know how to deal with it. He said, “I mean, when you told me you are a Big Package, I thought how big can big be? I wasn’t expecting titanic when you said big.” As wicked as it sounds, I couldn’t help smile and I thought to myself, I told you so, didn’t I?  But I let it go. Life’s too short to make changes that would make me miserable anyway. I am the queen of my life today; no one and nothing can make me feel terrible if I don’t want to feel terrible. And I’m always all set to explore that voyage where I don’t know “What’s next”.